A Tale of Two Divorces

Anne Roiphe talks about her family history. Her dad was rich, drank a lot, he was a businessman, and he had ladies on the side of his wife. Her mom took advantage of being rich, she was a chain smoker, and she had the good life. Her dad would come home at night and argue with her mom, beat her, then she would call her sister for support and she would say that she would have to do better. Her mom couldn’t leave her husband even though he would do all that bad stuff to her. She thought that she wasn’t strong enough and that she had to change herself and do better for her for her husband. Roiphe said, “This was a story of a divorce that should have been” (207). Then she went on to explain her relationship and how her parent’s relationship effected her so much. She said her relationship was “This was a divorce that should have been and was” (208). She had tried hard to get away from the man her dad was but some how she ended up with a man that was just like him. “I was married to a man whom I thought was opposite of my father” (208). I think that this happens with a lot of women. We subconsciously look for men that have the same qualities as their father even if what he did wasn’t good. That happened in her case even though she thought she was looking for someone different she ended up with someone just the same. She said her husband would spend all their money and go on “binges”. She was left at home just like her mother and her husband would go to the local bar. Roophie related her problems and struggles to that of her parents. “My divorce was related to her undivorce, so the generations unfold back-to-back handing on their burden […]” (208). I think that this is true because she was raised thinking that what her parents had for a relationship was what everyone has because that was her norm. They set the example for so that was what she thought was normal. “If my mother would have been brave enough to go it alone I might have seen myself differently” (209). I also agree with this because her mom once again was her role model and she set the standard for her. Since her mom was weak but still survived she figures she could do the same thing too. “I know that if my mother had left my father not only her life but mine too might too might have been set on more solid ground” (209). Her parents made it really hard for her to be stable because they set a bad example. Since she actually left her husband she set a better strong role for her children. “The courage it takes to really make things better, to change, is rare and won only at great cost” (209). I agree with this too because it takes women awhile to leave their husbands if they need to because they might think that they can’t provide for themselves or that their husband will change and so on.